Lying d0wn on my bed..and as usual,,watching my fav0urite m0vies. Right n0w?,im watching "THE PERFECT MAN" ..well,i w0nder when i'm g0nna meet mine s0meday-_^
life right n0w is kinda okay. I'm just right here,alth0ugh n0t in a f0rmal relati0nship..,but at least,hey..i kn0w i am n0t al0ne!,s0meone i can share my th0ughts and spend s0me time with. Well, he wants 2 have a deeper relati0nship with me, but..ai.. Maybe its just me. I just dont want t0 jump into relati0nship and make things c0mplicated. Do y0u kn0w da feeling that y0u just g0t tired of l0ving s0me0ne and u cried a l0t than being happy? I d0nt wanna cry, i juz wanna be happy! But, i guess getting hurt is part of l0ve. And i d0nt wanna get hurt anym0re. S0, until i am ready 2 face reality of getting hurt, i aint ready t0 l0ve again....
well,en0ugh with the l0velife! We were in MANHATTAN then to CANTINA TEQUILLA aftawards last weekend, then TRANCESKEI on a sat! But it was okay...
hmm..cherry's birthday is c0ming up!she t0ld me its g0nna be a p0ol party..waaaaah!i g0tta get back in shape.and H20 PARTY is on da 4th of OCT.l0tsa peepz invitin'me.geez!sexy bikini u mean??!haha.xx
nweiz,i feel like eating,but am n0t so hungry!hayy..just b0red,pr0bably!
Pizza w0uld be a g0od idea;)
To Lee,
From the moment I saw you, you caught my attention. I knew deep inside that it was really something special. And I gotta know what that feeling was....
You got me speechless when you first held my hand.
I thought of forever the first time we kissed under the rain....
And when you told me you love me for the very first time, it became the perfect moment in my life.
I never really realized that I have loved you from the very first time I laid my eyes on you...........^^,)
And I am so grateful we are still together since the day we met,
...................and will always be together.
From the roughest journey to the smoothest road we'll ever face and will ever be in in this relationship, for I can conquer the rocky roads as long as I am with you.
I LOVE YOU.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
j0urney still r0ckz!
just finished watchin'da DESPERATE H0USEWIVES!,it was really nice!..en s0 da narrating was really g0od.it is really true,s0mewhere s0meh0w,UGLY SITUATION ALWAYS EMERGE!,but..hey,datz life!th0 we must all kn0w h0w make things seem beautiful.Just like dec0rating y0ur own life,what lay0ut its g0nna be..or simply makin'it simple.
i haven't g0t a chance t0 write much stuff dat happened over the weekends. Well,da weekend was FAB!,except dat i g0t sw0rn again by diz oda guy..hu juz l0st respect t0wards me.and if i wasn't mistaken,he sw0re at me even b4!..w0t a gurl 2d0?,if he l0st respect 2wards me,why l0se respect 2wards myself,right?HE CAN GET L0ST!..all i kn0w,i deserve better treatment than dat!;)
nweiz,letz m0ve on!,i had a fantastic weekend!,alth0ugh it was a BURIAL of my c0usin. L0tsa pe0ple came,and s0 my other relatives. S0metimes,when i think ab0ut it..i have alm0st f0rg0tten they still exist!..well,im talkin'b0ut my ENEMIES!,and n0w that i have m0ved on with my life..they c0uldn't even get near me.or s0meh0w,the treatment is a lil bit better!
i d0n't kn0w if it was just me that i'm starting t0 l0ve myself again..dat dey c0rresp0nd on h0w i treat myself n0wadays!
we went t0 cantina tequilla last saturday.en me,cherry,milet,shyne and ryan r0cked da nyt!..it was a g0od thing dat dey enj0yed our c0mpany. I mean,if my c0usin,MILET didnt enj0y our c0mpany..,she w0uldn't invite us t0 her fashi0n sh0w on N0V.15,ryt?YIPEEE!,i'l get a chance 2 watch a RUNWAY!..hmmm..
Dellaz ph0ned da other day and he's taking me 2 his studi0 on friday or saturday..h0pe everything will do well!
t0o bad dat my bestfriend c0uldn't make it with us on SAT!wish she was there,t0o!;)
...there are l0tsa guys wh0 keep on calling or smsing me!but this relati0nship thing has g0tten int0 me. Its like,i'm fed up wit it,en derz n0thing m0re of me 2 give...
i am n0t hurtin..
just g0t tired,maybe!
and LOVING S0ME0NE AGAIN
is just
TO0 G0OD
TO
BE
TRUE.
i juz had en0ugh!
and i d0nt think i am ready again,and s0meh0w..n0t afta 3 m0nths time. I just kn0w and i feel it, it just aint the right time f0r an0ther relati0nship...
but i am s0 glad I AM OVER OF THAT SHIT. i supp0sed i just fell inl0ve with fallin' inl0ve but n0t really int0 l0ve. And..datz juz n0t ryt! I mean, i aint dat desperate 2 be l0ved,am i? But i am just glad dat i have cut it out..cuz i am juz tired of trying,caring,l0ving..and crying!
i haven't g0t a chance t0 write much stuff dat happened over the weekends. Well,da weekend was FAB!,except dat i g0t sw0rn again by diz oda guy..hu juz l0st respect t0wards me.and if i wasn't mistaken,he sw0re at me even b4!..w0t a gurl 2d0?,if he l0st respect 2wards me,why l0se respect 2wards myself,right?HE CAN GET L0ST!..all i kn0w,i deserve better treatment than dat!;)
nweiz,letz m0ve on!,i had a fantastic weekend!,alth0ugh it was a BURIAL of my c0usin. L0tsa pe0ple came,and s0 my other relatives. S0metimes,when i think ab0ut it..i have alm0st f0rg0tten they still exist!..well,im talkin'b0ut my ENEMIES!,and n0w that i have m0ved on with my life..they c0uldn't even get near me.or s0meh0w,the treatment is a lil bit better!
i d0n't kn0w if it was just me that i'm starting t0 l0ve myself again..dat dey c0rresp0nd on h0w i treat myself n0wadays!
we went t0 cantina tequilla last saturday.en me,cherry,milet,shyne and ryan r0cked da nyt!..it was a g0od thing dat dey enj0yed our c0mpany. I mean,if my c0usin,MILET didnt enj0y our c0mpany..,she w0uldn't invite us t0 her fashi0n sh0w on N0V.15,ryt?YIPEEE!,i'l get a chance 2 watch a RUNWAY!..hmmm..
Dellaz ph0ned da other day and he's taking me 2 his studi0 on friday or saturday..h0pe everything will do well!
t0o bad dat my bestfriend c0uldn't make it with us on SAT!wish she was there,t0o!;)
...there are l0tsa guys wh0 keep on calling or smsing me!but this relati0nship thing has g0tten int0 me. Its like,i'm fed up wit it,en derz n0thing m0re of me 2 give...
i am n0t hurtin..
just g0t tired,maybe!
and LOVING S0ME0NE AGAIN
is just
TO0 G0OD
TO
BE
TRUE.
i juz had en0ugh!
and i d0nt think i am ready again,and s0meh0w..n0t afta 3 m0nths time. I just kn0w and i feel it, it just aint the right time f0r an0ther relati0nship...
but i am s0 glad I AM OVER OF THAT SHIT. i supp0sed i just fell inl0ve with fallin' inl0ve but n0t really int0 l0ve. And..datz juz n0t ryt! I mean, i aint dat desperate 2 be l0ved,am i? But i am just glad dat i have cut it out..cuz i am juz tired of trying,caring,l0ving..and crying!
Friday, September 05, 2008
thinkin'over...
its half-past-one in da m0rning and i still can't sleep..
it has been days that i haven't written anything in here.n0thin'much happened...except that my c0usin passed away on friday. So,the wh0le family are c0ming all the way t0 j0hannesburg f0r the funeral. Hayyy.. L0tsa pe0ple are c0ming and its been 2yrs since i haven't faced them. I w0nder what's g0nna happen...
Tom0rr0w is friday and my m0m en da rest of my relatives are c0ming! Or sh0uld i say,later??! I d0n't kn0w what t0 expect. I mean,they always ask l0tsa questi0ns.talk ab0ut my life,advices..etc,etc! I mean..they can't just let me live!well.,s0me of them...
But,ill be seeing my bestfriend f0r the 1st tym afta 2yrs!!!..can u imagine?and da rest of da gr0up are g0nna be 2geda....everyb0dy's g0nna be there!..and so,s0me of the pe0ple i hate da m0st,t0o!
Anyways,g0tta l0ve and leave ya!
xx..Cia0..xx
it has been days that i haven't written anything in here.n0thin'much happened...except that my c0usin passed away on friday. So,the wh0le family are c0ming all the way t0 j0hannesburg f0r the funeral. Hayyy.. L0tsa pe0ple are c0ming and its been 2yrs since i haven't faced them. I w0nder what's g0nna happen...
Tom0rr0w is friday and my m0m en da rest of my relatives are c0ming! Or sh0uld i say,later??! I d0n't kn0w what t0 expect. I mean,they always ask l0tsa questi0ns.talk ab0ut my life,advices..etc,etc! I mean..they can't just let me live!well.,s0me of them...
But,ill be seeing my bestfriend f0r the 1st tym afta 2yrs!!!..can u imagine?and da rest of da gr0up are g0nna be 2geda....everyb0dy's g0nna be there!..and so,s0me of the pe0ple i hate da m0st,t0o!
Anyways,g0tta l0ve and leave ya!
xx..Cia0..xx
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
sw0llen eyebags!
i sh0uld n0t let any guy destr0y respect 2 myself...he has c0st me s0 much pain. My eyes are still swelled up,en he's n0t even w0rth it....after all he has d0ne and t0ld me. I never d0ne him wr0ng,he kn0ws that.... It was all his insults and eventually, it reached da p0int i've had en0ugh...
i didn't deserve this.
i didn't deserve this.
Monday, September 01, 2008
stereotypical view
..i d0n't kn0w what t0 feel anym0re. i am crying like hell right n0w and seems like my heart is breaking int0 pieces and all shattered. I never ch0se t0 have a life like this. But, i am striving hard t0 reach my dreams!
i hate 2 think dat i am starting t0 hate men even m0re. I th0ught i've met a perfect man f0r me. But, anyway...
i d0n't understand pe0ple critisizing me. If pe0ple only knew what my situati0n is. Unf0rtunately, i can't tell each and everyone of them. U think its easy t0 pull out a happy face everytime t0 hide away my pain. They just d0n't kn0w, i've been f0oled, treated like shit, i've g0t n0thing....but h0pe.
i hate t0 think i am s0 helpless. But, i just f0rce myself t0 believe i will get there by hanging on a str0ng grip, out of n0thing!
..i can ch0ose t0 be miserable only if i want t0. I can abuse myself unlimitedly! Think ab0ut my h0rrible life and get dr0wned with self-pity all the time. And thr0ugh th0se happy faces i've been pulling out, i am being stere0typed with n0 sense of resp0nsibility.
its hard t0 abs0rb it all when y0u are trying t0 reach out f0r a little bit of help, but s0me pe0ple think u are just depending. When i only have little s0urces, and s0me think i am just irresp0nsible..
When i want to have s0me fun and f0rget ab0ut my pr0blems f0r a while, while s0me pe0ple think i am t0o abusive!
i am n0t all th0se. I am just a n0rmal pers0n trying to get out of emptiness for a little bit of happiness:'(
if i c0uld only ch0ose da right settings in life, if only i have en0ugh, if only i am n0t trying t0o hard.... i w0uldn't wish t0 be in this situati0n! But th0se were just IF's,and i want t0 change them myself..but guess,i am still immature en0ugh. S0rry, i am just human myself, wh0 d0esn't wanna be l0nely at all times... :(
i wish i c0uld just give up through this j0urney i am having. But, i have t0 walk,run al0ng,cry,smile,try,fall,rise,deal with it.... I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.
...and i am s0 hurt right n0w.
..my j0urney never st0ps in here. T0m0rr0w, i am m0ving out....n0where else t0 g0,but..c0me what may!,all i kn0w,my heart is l0sing its beat..,h0w c0uld s0me pe0ple be s0 cruel of depriving a simple happiness by judging my wh0le being.....
..bring me t0 life.
T_T
i hate 2 think dat i am starting t0 hate men even m0re. I th0ught i've met a perfect man f0r me. But, anyway...
i d0n't understand pe0ple critisizing me. If pe0ple only knew what my situati0n is. Unf0rtunately, i can't tell each and everyone of them. U think its easy t0 pull out a happy face everytime t0 hide away my pain. They just d0n't kn0w, i've been f0oled, treated like shit, i've g0t n0thing....but h0pe.
i hate t0 think i am s0 helpless. But, i just f0rce myself t0 believe i will get there by hanging on a str0ng grip, out of n0thing!
..i can ch0ose t0 be miserable only if i want t0. I can abuse myself unlimitedly! Think ab0ut my h0rrible life and get dr0wned with self-pity all the time. And thr0ugh th0se happy faces i've been pulling out, i am being stere0typed with n0 sense of resp0nsibility.
its hard t0 abs0rb it all when y0u are trying t0 reach out f0r a little bit of help, but s0me pe0ple think u are just depending. When i only have little s0urces, and s0me think i am just irresp0nsible..
When i want to have s0me fun and f0rget ab0ut my pr0blems f0r a while, while s0me pe0ple think i am t0o abusive!
i am n0t all th0se. I am just a n0rmal pers0n trying to get out of emptiness for a little bit of happiness:'(
if i c0uld only ch0ose da right settings in life, if only i have en0ugh, if only i am n0t trying t0o hard.... i w0uldn't wish t0 be in this situati0n! But th0se were just IF's,and i want t0 change them myself..but guess,i am still immature en0ugh. S0rry, i am just human myself, wh0 d0esn't wanna be l0nely at all times... :(
i wish i c0uld just give up through this j0urney i am having. But, i have t0 walk,run al0ng,cry,smile,try,fall,rise,deal with it.... I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.
...and i am s0 hurt right n0w.
..my j0urney never st0ps in here. T0m0rr0w, i am m0ving out....n0where else t0 g0,but..c0me what may!,all i kn0w,my heart is l0sing its beat..,h0w c0uld s0me pe0ple be s0 cruel of depriving a simple happiness by judging my wh0le being.....
..bring me t0 life.
T_T
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Thank you for taking care of my heart...I love you so much...
