c0nfused...

Leaving bl0emf0ntein early in the m0rning t0m0rrow,yet I d0n't feel sleepy. It's been weeks n0w that I d0n't get pr0per sleep since the break-up. I would do all the chores or anything I needed to do, but my mind is still with him... and I just don't know how to focus.

I would think if maybe he's thinkin' of me the way I'm thinkin' of him. Hoping someday we'll see each other again.. and we could still fix what has been broken out of a beautiful relationship. But through all those thinkings, I wanna breakdown. How can I have so much hope over someone who's willing to let go? It hurts so much, I am in denial. And the fact that I am lying to myself, that all these can't be true.....
I am at this stage where I pretend I am alright, when I know I am not.
Where I smile but I fall apart.
It just hurts so much... it cut me too deep. And I still don't wanna accept the fact that what happened once has been repeated. And what hurts the most is by getting hurt over someone totally unexpected. He was the last person I could ever think of who would ever hurt me like this. He was the least I could ever think of, but hurt me the worst......


There is someone out there, and he's been making time for me. I don't know but.. he makes me happy everytime I talk to him. But that's just it. I am still scared. And I don't know wether I am depriving myself of freedom or happiness. All I know I am depriving myself of getting hurt again.... in the best way I know...
all that I can.

his birthday without me....

It's almost 4 o'clock in the morning and I don't even feel sleepy,,at all!!!
It's his birthday t0day and I thought I was gonna be a part of it. Oh well, durrhh.. we just br0ke up. But to0 bad, I wouldn't be celebrating it with him...

I sent him a message at 2am.
I have asked almost all my friends wether I should at least send him my greetings even through sms or rather leave it out. But like some of my friends suggest, I should. I was thinking if I would send him a message maybe he would just ignore them and I might just get rejected... unlike when I wouldn't, at least I d0n't have all these thinkings. I am scared with the fact that I am finally becoming okay without him,, and over with one message, I might just as well get hurt over again...
But I took the possible consequences, I sent him one.
This other friend of mine told me..., "send him one, without expecting anything in return like a call or rejection. Just send it BECAUSE you remember, not because you wanna know what his reaction would be" and he's absolutely right.

I just wished him a happy birthday, more success and happiness in life.

I guess the thoughts/remembering is what really counts.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY RITCHIE...

idk...

I have n0 idea how l0ng has it been since we br0ke up. I d0n't even kn0w wether I should be glad or be sad with the fact that me and him separated.

I'm trying n0t to think of him,n0t to cry,n0t to call him,sms him... I'm trying n0t for him to think I am still into him. Or am i? I don't kn0w. I just wanna take him out of my head... I wanna m0ve on.
He was s0 special to me. I did everything I can to keep our relationship work! But he threw all that away. It was so easy for him to get over me that quickly because I had m0re sacrifices in that relati0nship,and n0 matter how I explain myself how I treasured our relationship- he w0uldn't kn0w! Because he did n0t go thr0ugh all the things I did- just to be with him!

It hurt a lot. I have cried over him like hell, th0ught i w0uld go crazy! Did n0t sleep,c0uld n0t eat. Got rejected over and over.
I thought i could still save it if i would lower my pride, but he kept pushing me away...until my tears ran dry, my heart went numb and i just d0n't kn0w wether to hate or blame myself! All I kn0w, I am d0ne with him.

I d0n't wanna enter s0meone's heart when he shuts its do0r everytime I try to kn0ck!

hurtin'

Its been days that passed since we br0ke up. I tried to focus much of my time on s0me other things.. So i w0uldn't feel the pain. But here i am, tryin to be brave but i brokedown:'(
My pillow soaks in tears,and itz 2 o'clock in the m0rning.... I can't sleep:'(
My eyes are sw0llen,feels like i can't breathe with all these heavyloads inside me... I'ma explode,i'm so hurt. I am right at this point again...,br0kenhearted:'(

my bestfriend's party....

lol. it's nothing like MY BESTFRIEND'S WEDDING kinda thing. It was her 22nd birthday held at Barba's Cafe on the 29th of August. It was a Saturday, so lotsa people made it. Oh well, some of the peeps/old friends were invited as well but didn't make it. It doesn't matter, it turned out to be as fun as expected.


There were lots of srories,MY GOSH!!!,,I don't even know where to start! haha..
There are so many things to tell, but..let me just keep the story short.
My bestfriend has asked me to organize the party for her.Actually, I volunteered....but ,in the end it kinda became a deal or something that I should, cause they would be coming from Easter Cape which is obviously far from here. Thought of celebrating it in Cubana, but we kinda have a problem wether everyone invited would be able to wear formal attire on such occassion. Cubana only allows semi to formal attires only, and all of them to be cooperating with us was not a definite answer.

BUT OVER ALL, IT TURN OUT TO BE FUN!!!!

*I wanted to post more but something came about, I just lost my excitement*

JUST CHECK OUT SOME OF THE PICS TAKEN AT THE EVENT...